Shush, Peepers. *waves the peep off with a paw* Shush.
I said, SHUSH!
Oops! That was a little loud.
Shush.
Gosh darn it, I missed what Rover said. Bet it was good, too. Rover says the funniest stuff.
Oh yeah, Peppers, he really does. Rover says some super funny stuff. Last week, he called Mitzie a... Well, you know. He used the B word and everythin'.
Don't look so shocked, Peepers. It's not as bad as it sounds. I mean, Mitzie is a female dog so the B word actually kinda applies. But it was still funny to hear Rover say it, you know? 'Cause that's a word no one at our house would ever dare use.
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What? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' on about now?
What am I doin'? To whom am I talkin'? Is this some kinda Internet group I have joined?
Well...
Well, it's not a group, per se. It's more of a chat. It's what we-in-the-know call a group chat. And you have to be invited. You can't just join. Someone already in the group has to invite you in.
Oh yeah, I got added a few weeks ago. I didn't tell you 'cause... Well, 'cause it's a SECRET group chat, and all that.
Funny story, actually. One day, I was messagin' back and forth with Fifi, you see. You know Fifi, she's the French Poodle over on Pine. Anyway, I was bragging 'bout how you had finally arranged for me to get my top security clearance, even though you-know-who doesn't have his yet. And we laughed and laughed and laughed. Then we laughed some more. And a little more after that. I was rollin' on the floor, in here, I was laughin' so hard. I'm surprised you didn't hear me, my laughter was so loud.
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What? Oh, never mind that, Peepers. What's a little top security clearance claim here or there? I was tryin' to impress the ladies, you see. Well, I was tryin' to impress Fifi, anyway.
Even if she is a dog.
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Anyway...
Anyway, Blondie, bein' his usual not-so-intelligent self, overheard Fifi laughin', I guess, and started readin' her messages, and...
What? No, I'm not makin' blonde jokes. That's his name. Blondie. It's his actual name. Apparently, it's a name often given to Golden Labs.
You know, Peepers, they say Golden Labs are smart, but I just don't see it.
Why? 'Cause Blondie over there, read my messages to Fifi. And I was workin' on my French - tryin' to impress her, you see - when I must have referred to myself as Seville le chat. 'Cause as you know, in Messenger you're writing, right? So I must have written somethin' like, Bonjour Fifi. C'est moi, Seville le chat.
And Blondie, bein' Blondie, must have mistaken that for meanin' that I was askin' for an invite to their little secret group chat.
The rest is history, and uh...
Well...
Well, get this: Le chat is now in on the chat.
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Funniest part is, it's a group chat for dogs. Dogs and only dogs. No cats are allowed.
Which is why I'm tryin' to keep a low profile. I'm the only cat in the group, and like I said, I'm really not supposed to be there. I'm not even sure Fifi realises I've been listenin' in.
What? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' on about now?
LOTS of stuff. There's lots and lots of stuff to hear about in there. Gossip, galore. And more!
Peepers, did you know...
Of course you don't know. You're not in the group chat.
But anyway, Peepers, did you know Buster over on Beech got busted? Yup, it's true. Buster got busted, diggin' in old man Johnson's backyard. I believe he pooped in there, too.
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And Ziggy, over on Poplar? Apparently, Ziggy can't catch a frisbee to save his own life. Everyone is sayin' it so it absolutely must be true.
Oh, and Chester? Yeah, Chester on Hemlock. That's the guy. Now, this rumour is particularly bad. Chester's peep never scoops up his poop, and it's givin' the rest of the dogs in the neighbourhood a really bad reputation. Givin' the rest of the dogs' peeps in the neighbourhood bad reps, too.
NO, it's not his peep's poop.
I don't think.
No, it's definitely not his peep's poop.
I hope.
Yeah, definitely Chester's. Definitely Chester's poop. Chester's peep takes Chester for walks in order for Chester to... You know... Relieve himself. But after Chester has done his business, his peep never scoops. SHOCKING, for sure.
Of course, Rex is keepin' track of all the Chester-poopin'-without-scoopin' incidents. As a German Shepherd, Rex takes law enforcement very seriously, you see.
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Peepers, you know, if you want in on this group chat, I'm pretty sure I can add you. Now that I'm in, I think can invite others, too. I know it's a dogs only group chat and you're not a dog, but then, neither am I. Just don't do 'round tellin' everyone what you hear. Remember, it's a SECRET group chat.
Wouldn't want this stuff to end up on CNN, or anythin' like that.
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But if anyone does ask, tell them Blondie added you. Everyone in the group will believe that.
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